Last night when I passed him on the street on the way to school, on his way back from his appointment and the pharmacy - he seemed angry. I thought it was at Jakob, for what Jakob is, and isn't doing. I was a bit afraid to go home, but thought it would be good to finally have the discussion about him paying rent, about what is he going to do about his drug use... (As an hour before that, I called James to see where he was with the bus pass.)
But, I came home - turns out, James was just really fucked up. After getting home, he didn't make a lot of sense. He, in his boxers, asked if we had to go somewhere. I said no, it's almost midnight. He took the cat hair off his shirt, put on his leather jacket, tried to attach his keys to his boxers, and opened the door, as if answering it, asking the person why they didn't have their pants (no one was there.) He went outside for a walk, I guess. I hoped that he'd be arrested for public intoxication. Sadly, he returned in half an hour. (I'm considering, next time he sets himself up like that, to call the cops anonymously about someone being way fucked up in public... as much as I don't agree with being a snitch of any kind, I think it's the most appropriate consequence, one he strangely hasn't encountered.) He unplugged the TV while I was watching something and when I asked why, he said he was just trying to plug in the stereo. I asked why, I could hear the TV just fine without it being in stereo. So he said he was trying to turn OFF the stereo so he could sleep... Which is funny because I was the one turning off the light, he kept turning it back on. I was quietly watching TrueBlood, he kept talking to me, asking shit that didn't make sense - questions that were a mix of something from the show and something he was having hallucinations about. He offered a rolling paper to someone who wasn't really there. He talked to me, talked to imaginary people, kept asking me senseless shit, being a pain in the ass. I tried to just be quiet and turn off the light, hoping it would inspire him to sleep. It didn't. He ate all of Jakob's food, and when Jakob came out to eat, he was upset. Lames gathered art materials from the back bedroom. I hoped this meant that when I went to sleep, for once in his messed up state, he wouldn't be constantly in and out of there, turning on the light when I'm trying to sleep. Before going to bed, tired of dealing with him not making sense, losing things, dropping things, running into shit... I asked if he needed anything else. He went back there and got MORE shit. I tried to go to sleep. I got woken up and hour later, him quoting something from something he was watching, and he gave me Reese's Pieces from Palm Market. I said, "OK, goodnight." Then, for the next five or six hours, every half hour to hour, sometimes more frequently, he'd go into the room, turn on the light, say he was looking for this, asking if I was home, asking if I was in there, asking if I was in the bathroom, asking if Jakob was home, asking who's coming over, asking if we needed to go somewhere. So on and so forth, really fucking annoying. He'd do the same thing to Jakob. At some point, I said, "We're all here, no one's going anywhere, I'm trying to sleep, leave me alone." He said, "Oh sorry, it's just I'm so anxious, with all these people coming in and out all the time, it takes a while after they're all gone before I can relax. I'm just so anxious." No, buddy, you're just so fucked up and hallucinating. No one comes and goes from our house! But, when he's like that, you can't tell him he's fucked up, hallucinating, delusional. He'll fight and fight over it, so adamant that he's NOT LOADED and that something else is what's REALLY going on, and this something else tends to be based in something he's hallucinating about, like this morning with "all these people coming and going." I finally got to sleep around 10am, when he'd woken Jakob for good I think, and then he finally passed out.
He's still in the living room, kneeling on the ground, slumped over the couch. I get so fucking sick of taking care of an overgrown toddler. I found a broken lamp this afternoon, as well. Yeah, I've done weird shit from pill mixes but that's a mix to try to make me sleep when I haven't slept in a couple of days, on very rare occasions. But James does this about an average of 6 days every month