Jakob is supposed to move up here, sooner than I expected. Oh fuck, please don't let either of us be a fucking negative influence... This could be what solves everything, or what REALLY fucking tears everything apart. I'm nervous, either way.
I'm waiting for class to start. I want to run home because
I'm kind of scared to go to class... lots of stares on the bus today - do I fucking smell or something
-and this class is one I'm retaking.
I'm scared to wait out in the goddamnedfuckingcold for hours for the bus after 10pm. and scared to see
- what may have NOT happened at home today, after I left.
My school owes me $454. I want them to give it to me in a check, I don't want it to be put in my aunt's account. MINE to fucking control. I don't want to beg money off James. I don't want to ask for my money from my aunt - we just went shopping, though I'm already running out of groceries... I want cloves. And dxm. Which I probably won't get.
I hope it's spent SORT OF wisely.
I miss Melange. Very much.
My aunt convinced my landlord to fix our little mini-window in our door, and then he came over yesterday, and James talked him OUT of it. I guess he didn't remember? But we had company about to arrive anyway, and definitely didn't want the company to cross paths with him.
Guess I'm off to class. I hope I get home soon. Or maybe I don't. His phone is off, so it can't be predicted. And unfortunately, it's like I've developed this SUPERANXIETY (like many people I know) where I don't want to be in situations I can't control... and I don't want to be around people I don't know, and I don't want to be away from home too long...
One (is the loneliest number) has been a repeated theme in my dreams, lately.